Desert light

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I was having a total “desert” week. It’s amazing how a teensy mood swing can catapult me into the maudlin. A word not fitly spoken was like a rip tide to my fragile soul.

But then … the Oasis. The refreshment. The light.

I was driving from Dallas to Shreveport late Friday night. I wanted to surprise my boyfriend with a visit from me and Toby, but wasn’t sure if he’d be happy about a shadowy shock so late.

To help the time go by faster, I called my older sister. We jawed about life for a couple of hours, but mostly about my desert feelings with regard to my relationship. It wasn’t just me having these feelings either. I think he was feeling depleted also.

After talking to my sister, I drove into the inky blue night sky, unsure where I was going but zeroed in to my GPS’s backlit map. At some point along the Texas range, the desert unfurled and a healing revelation washed over me. I had driven smack into the light and knew what was wrong with me.

I was so miserable all the time, what would enrich my relationship with my boyfriend and what would help me be free and happy again?

One. simple. word. GOD.

I missed Him, treading water listlessly for the past few months, unaware that He was there all along, throwing out the lifeline. I craved time in His Word, in prayer and in worship. I needed to re-dedicate myself and my time to Him alone.

This wasn’t news to me in the sense that I didn’t already know it. But I had been looking for a pop psychology/woe is me answer to be the balm for my aching heart. There–I said it: I was looking for anything but God to help repair my soul.

No, I wasn’t doing this intentionally. As a member of humanity, my nature is away from (not toward) God. This understanding took hold of me like a rabid dog to its prey.

There is nothing more exhausting than running away from the God of the universe when He has you in the palm of His hand. This song by Natalie Grant reminds me of times like this. I hope you enjoy listening to it.

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