Missing these kids

I’ve had this song on endless loop tonight. I believe I’m on my sixth or seventh time in a row. I miss the days back when I first heard the message and sweetness of its simple lyric.

It was 1998, and I was spending the night at my friend Sarah’s house. She lived in Buffalo, about 45 minutes from me. So it was a treat when we got to do a sleepover, at least for me. That afternoon, I sat down with her younger sister Beth and listened to a song by this group Avalon. Beth wanted me to listen to “Adonai” so I could hear how high Jody McBrayer’s voice got. I feel in love with the song, and decided that one day I should gather some friends and sing it in church.

I got that chance several years later and it was a lot of fun. I took the second  verse and the second part of the bridge. That likely means nothing to you if you aren’t a singer or musician. Basically, I got to wrap my vocals around the more upbeat and building portions of the song. We did three-part harmony and it sounded great. But never so great as that first time I heard it on the top floor of an old home in South Buffalo.

Except for the other night.

I have two dear teenagers in my life who I absolutely adore more than any others. Jake and Hannah live back in New York with their dad now, so I don’t get to talk to them as much. But we have some hilarious and special memories from over the years. I miss them, so much. And I wish they could be here with me and Brent. But they have two parents who love them and want to see them succeed. Texas might be just a bit too far for Mom and Dad to handle. I understand, but I still want them.

The other night I dreamed about this song, “Adonai,” and the message of love it offers to our great Jesus. In the dream, I was sobbing over the lyric and memories it held for me. Then I sat down with Hannah and told her about the song. “I love that song,” she said to me in the dream. “Have you read the book?” She told me it was about Jesus and the priests and offerings that came before him. As she went on to explain the plot, I was overcome and had to ask her to stop telling me about it. “Don’t tell me anymore,” I told her through tears. “I won’t be able to make it if I hear anymore about it.”

Then Hannah disappeared and I went from chair to chair, room to room, unable to disguise my intense sorrow and grief over not seeing Hannah anymore. I could not stop sobbing, putting my head down on tables to hide the tears. It was one of the saddest dreams I’ve ever had. I woke up during the night grieving while awake.

So I am praying to my sweet Adonai, for these two beautiful jewels in His crown. And that they will hold this in their hearts ~ “One timid, faithful knock resounds upon the Rock of Ages. One trembling heart and soul becomes a servant bold and courageous. You call across the mountains and the seas, I answer from the deepest part of me ~ Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry, my Adonai! You are Maker of each moment, Father of my hope and freedom. Oh, my Adonai”

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